Woman That Lives Below Me

Dear Woman That Lives Below Me,

You're an asshole. Not because you left me a note, without signing your name I might add(pussy), the first night I moved into the place asking me to be mindful of the shitty floor construction and that by walking as loudly as I did, caused your beauty sleep to be interrupted. Not because you stormed up to my door one night after I'd returned home from an evening of self-indulgence and called me several names, which even in my drunken stupor seemed rude for two people who had never been properly introduced, for once again "walking too loudly". Not because you took the time to type up a letter to the entire building about putting out our trash earlier than the stated rule said we could, and that if we didn't all start abiding by the set time parameter we would lose our privileges of trash collection, despite the landlord mentioning nothing about the so called "trash problem". No, you're an asshole cause you do shit like that, and then park in the fucking handicap parking spot.

Listen here bitch, I know which car is yours and I know that damn thing hasn't got a handicap plate or placard hanging from your rearview mirror. You clearly do not possess the DMV issued credentials to park in said space, I know because I've looked it up. Best of all, when its been taken by yet another asshole or heaven forbid, the one handicap person living in the building, you decide to stick your big ass SUV on the damn curb, a place the landlord has specifically asked us all NOT TO PARK!  I don't know why in the blue fuck you feel entitled to that spot. Do you feel its your repayment for having such a loud-walking upstairs neighbor? Is it because Stacy put her trash out at 8:05pm? Let me tell you the reason....

You're an asshole.

Im going to have your car towed one day, real late at night when Im sure you've nestled in for a peaceful nights sleep. Im going to walk around in my really heavy cowboy boots, with real long strides where the heal hits first and it makes that long eco through your bedroom. And when you come running upstairs to beat on my goddamn door at 1AM, you'll pass by "your" parking spot to see the wrecker's flashing yellow lights blinking at you in Morse code. You know what it'll be saying?

You're an asshole.

Sincerely,
Gus