Non-Chivalrous People

Dear Non-Chivalrous People,

You're all a bunch of assholes. Maybe I'm just old, but when the fuck did it become ok to not hold the door as you walked through it for the next guy? Sure, its not going to slam on my fingers or break my nose, but Jesus Christ can't you be a bit courteous? No? Well, kiss my ass and sniff my ball bag you sum bitch.

When I was growing up, I remember a time that I did not hold the door for someone after me. I was with my father in a department store downtown. We we're finishing with our purchases which just so happened to include a new Matchbox car meant for me. As we strode out the door my father went first, holding the door and then passing along that responsibility to me for the lovely woman behind me. I was unaware at the time of her presence, or that my father was watching me dig through the bag of goods in search of my new toy and not holding the door for the lady as he had taught me. The woman caught the door just fine, but that mattered none to my old man...I had been rude. I remember this very clearly what he said to me:

"Son, do you know what you just did?"
"No sir."
"Son, you just let the door go on that nice woman walking behind you as if you were some kind of asshole, which then suggests to her that I must be some kind of asshole for not teaching my son to hold the Goddamn door open for people after he had passed through one. Do I look like some kind of asshole?"
"No sir, you don't look like some kind of asshole."
"No son, I do not. But now, I do look like an asshole because Im about to return the very toy I just purchased my son for being such a good young man. Do you understand my point about not being an asshole?"
"Yes sir, (sniff sniff) I do."
"Good. And don't say "asshole". You're too damn young to be saying "asshole"."
"When can I say "asshole"?"
"When you're either old enough or big enough not to have yours kicked for calling someone an asshole."

See there? Two life lessons in one shot (my father always did love a "Two For One" special). Clearly these lessons aren't taught anymore which both saddens me and causes me to use my creaky old shoulder a hell of a lot more.

Thanks a lot, you assholes.

Sincerely,
Gus